I have been getting promotional items in the mail from cigarette companies since college. It’s worked out pretty well, I have this fireproof pouch, and zippo, and this cool key chain and other things.

Yesterday I got a letter telling me I can get a free beach towel if I filled out info on a website, custombeachtowel.com — Now, don’t go to the site just yet, you will need some information….

On the site, they ask for a few numbers that are supposed to be located on the mailer. One number I didnt see anywhere. So I called up customer service. They asked me my information, then Margaret from CS asked me if I am a smoker

“No.” I said in a ‘whatcha gonna do bout it’ fashion.
“Okay Mr. Orlick, because you said you are not a smoker, I will be taking your name off our promotional mailing list. Our promotional items are only available to people who ARE smokers”
“No wait! I was, off and on.”
“You are not a smoker.”
“Well, I can be convinced!”
“Sorry, Mr. O…” Click.

I cannot tell a lie. Maybe I should learn.